MGS SOCIAL BROS

Sup, bros? In case you missed all the news about RISING, here’s a quick recap;

I think the term “Classic Fan” should be changed to “Stupid Gay Crybaby Fan.”

Thanks to Tink Lube and Kunty J for participating in the very first edition of “MGS Social Bros Community Shout Out.”

Okay, I’m working on something cool for tomorrow. E-mail me a shout out to your best bro to [email protected].

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Subscribe or die, bitch.

Yesterday, a giant fucking earthquake hit Japan, killing hundreds, or even over a thousand, lives. What’s worse, a nuclear fucking reactor exploded. Thankfully, Kojima said he was alright (see left), but now I wish that Jap faggot wasn’t, because he fucking took down the MGO servers temporarily!

Fucking Japs. Trying to conserve energy in a time of need. Whatever. At they got what they deserved for what they pulled at PERAL HARBOR! Hahahaha. Take THAT, individuals that had nothing to do with the decision to bomb Peral Harbor and probably weren’t even born at that point in time!

So while the servers are down, here are some fun things you could do to kill time;

1.) Kill Raikov

2.) Rank up your squad in MPO.

3.) Go outside.

…

lol

I’m going to look up some EVA-H.

Last week, Konami lauched the MGS Survey, which asks the community to give feedback for how they could improve a potential Peace Walker sequel.

The survey is quite in-depth, which means it’s all tl;dr because of all those words. So instead, I’m going to list what I want here.

HOW PW2 WILL BE AWESOME!!!!!

1.) Reveal the five AI recreations of Big Boss.

After the gayness that was Raiden in MGS2, we need more fucking Big Boses (or is it Big Bossi?) So, the bosses in PW2 should be Chipher-created robotic AI controlled versions of Big Boss, just like how the Mammal Pod was a recreation of the Boss in PW! Technically the whole point of this would be pretty much the same as the Les Enfants Terribles project, but fuck you I’m smart.

2.) Don’t make it a console game.

Kojima hates the 360 for not being as powerful as the PS3. And while I’m still pissed off that RISING is on the 360, let’s face it; Ninja Raiden, no matter how epic, just isn’t Big Boss. Kojima made PW a PSP game because if it was a console game, Konami would force it to be multiplatform, which means the game would be limited by the 360′s shitty hardware. The potential for the game if it was a PS3 exclusive would just be a “what if?” scenario. I was glad that Kojima avoided this by making PW a PSP exclusive, even though the PSP is actually inferior to the 360 and thus is plagued with even more technological limitations.

Keep it up, Kojima. Stay loyal to the end! SONYFANBOY4LIEF NIGGA!!!!!

3.) Rip-off more storylines from Solid Snake’s games.

I fucking hate Solid Snake. He’s so gay. I wrote three BULLSHIT articles on why he’s so gay. That’s why Kojima should port everything awesome from the Solid Snake games to the Big Boss games. MPO and PW already worked hard on this, with MPO pretty much following the synopsis of MGS1 and Strangelove being a shameless Naomi Hunter clone. In PW2, I want to see Big Boss jump off of missiles and go through a room of fire, just like the microwave room in MGS4! And make a character that was as gay as Raiden in MGS2 so Big Boss can look more badass. And let us control Metal Gear ZEKE! Yeah, that would be rad.

4.) Infastructure mode!

Online was so epic in MPO+. Another reason why PW was dissapointing was that I couldn’t play online with my bros. Bring back online mode, even if the netcode will be shit anyway!

5.) Bring back MPO mission set-up. Remove the “Action” and “Hunter” control-types.

PW was okay, but it was plagued by the gameplay being dumbed down from MPO’s brilliant gameplat for the casual-old fanbase. You could only play as one character per mission, the maps weren’t bland boxes, and the controls weremuch more streamlined because people are too dense to understand the controls.

We want the first true sequel to MPO since MPO+. Make it happen, Kojima!

So if anyone wants to read this shit, go ahead and survey my shit for me. I’m gonna do a blunt and watch more “Jersey Shore.”

It’s a bro-thing.

In just three months, MGSBros Social Club (now known as MGS Social Bros due to marketing reasons. Shorter titles = more popular. It was worth it for all one of our new members) has become the #1 place for all your BRO-approved Metal Gear Solid related content.

You see, we here at MGSBros Social Club MGS Social Bros have a simple philosophy; Nothing after MGS3 is wrong. Everything is cool. It’s about brope, bropassion, bropathy, and brolerance. We are high, not only on weed, or coke, or mars rocks… but on LIFE.

I think it’s a privilege to call yourself a Bro. And it is something that you have to earn, and… because a Bro is supposed to do, he, or she has the ability to create a new and a better, more Broly world, and improve one’s own awesomeness. Being a Bro, you look at some hoe and you know absolutely that you can troll them.

So, for me, it really is KSA (Kickin’ Sweet Ass), and it’s just like, it’s something that… there’s a time I went through MPO, capping Soviet fags in the head and amassing my army, and I said, “You know what…” When I played it, I just went poof!, “This is it. That’s exactly it.”

Being a Bro, when you drive past an accident, it’s not like anyone else. As you drive past, you know you have to do something about it, because you know you’re the only one that can really profit off of the money found in the dead/injured guy’s wallet. I mean, what the fuck is he going to do with the money when he’s DEAD? Okay, maybe he could use it if he was just injured, but… whatever. All I know is I put good use to that $20 bill I got off some old lady when I “accidentally” knocked her to the fucking curb. Kit-Kat bars are the shit!

That’s… that’s what drives me, is that I know we have an opportunity, and… to really help for the first time effectively troll people’s lives, and I’m dedicated to that. I’m gonna, I’m absolutely, uncompromisingly dedicated to that.

For those that wish to join the Brotherhood of Win, here is the “MGS Social Bros Code of Honor”, also known as, “The Bro Code.”

• During a MGO match, never desert a comrade in need, in danger or in trouble. If a hoe on the other team tries to kill your bro, kill him. Even if your bro is already dead. Avenge the fallen!

• Never withdraw allegiance once granted. Once a bro is already a bro. And stop quiting our clan just because the guy who runs our training servers is a registered pedophile! You know deep down inside you you would bang Sunny. Well, I wouldn’t because I’m not a fucking pedo.

• Never desert a group to which you owe your support. Just like above. We MADE YOU who you are! You can’t turn your back on that!

• Never disparage yourself or minimize your strength of power. Always keep your rank up and squash old fags/RISING haters/Solid Snake fanboys in the balls!

• You always need praise, approval or sympathy. If you don’t fit in with us, you are a faggot. Go die and eat shit.

• Never compromise with your own reality. You know I am right so there’s no need to think!

• Never permit your affinity to be alloyed. If you see some idiot Solid Snake fanboy trying to say Big Boss was a bad guy, you set him straight with the power or circular reasoning and selective ignorance!

• Do not give or receive communication unless you yourself desire it. Julie, stop calling me! I don’t care if it’s mine! You’re fucking ugly! I don’t want to waste my life with you!

• Your self-determinism and your honor are more important than your immediate life. You’ll always come back in the respawn zone.

• Never regret yesterday. That aspie totally deserved that black eye for looking at you funny.

• Never fear to hurt another in a just cause. Hey, he was looking at you funny! Who cares if he had turrets?

• Don’t desire to be liked or admired. You know that everyone wants to be me!

• Be your own adviser, keep your own counsel and select your own decisions, so long as I agree with them.

• Be the truest bro you know.

I expect “The Bro Code” to be followed tightly, or else you are just a hoe.

Many people have accused Big Boss of being retarded for being in his late 30′s yet still believes in Santa Claus. However, these people are the REAL retards! Santa Claus is real.

How do I know this?

Well, you see, years ago, when I was 10, it was midnight on Christmas eve. I snuck out of bed, looking through my dad’s collection of “JUGGS” magazine. I was grabbing some issues, while also getting a cloth from the bathroom (I was out of old socks), when suddenly I heard a thump from downstairs. I was freaking the fuck out, trying hard not to make a noise.

I stepped down the stairs, slowly, creeping my head from the wall. From there, I saw him; motherfucking Saint Nick!

My young little mind could barely contain the joy that I had at the sight of him! Here he is, right in front of me! The man who gave me that kick ass scooter the year before!

But then…

…then, I found my mother. She was in the kitchen, with the smell of freshly baked cookies flowing through the room. She was clothed with only an apron.

That’s when that bastard made his move. He grabbed my mom, threw her to the ground, and started getting on top of her.

Santa was raping my mom! That cunt!

So, I got out my mom’s frying pan, and smacked the asshole in the back of the fucking head. The fucker was knocked out cold. My mom called out my dad’s name in fear, but he didn’t come down stairs for some reason. Must have been tired.

Then she yelled at me and told me to go to my room. Sheesh. I was protecting her! Stupid bitch.

I went to bed. Before I went to sleep, I heard the ambulance outside about 10 minutes later.

It’s hard to hate a man who got you a PS2, but come on. And where the fuck was my dad that morning? He didn’t save my mom and I didn’t find him in bed until he came home a few days later with his face rapped up in bandages. What a prick.

Next year though, GAYint Nicholas came to my room. I was fucking shitting bricks, man. I thought he was going to rape ME. But instead, he apologized for what he did and told me to be a good boy. So it all worked out.

Also, some say that it’s impossible for Santa to deliver to millions of kids around the world. But you see, it’s all very simple; Santa can do what he does because NANOMACHINES.

Yep, another BULLSHIT article, in response to the retarded Solid Snake fanboy cretins. Because apparently my other two articles just weren’t enough. Fine. I will prove, once and for all, why Solid Snake sucks, why he always sucked, and why he always WILL suck.

In order to prove my point, I will present this in a FAQ style. Please excuse the extreme gayness and what-not by the person who’s supposed to be arguing with me. He’s around sixteen years old, uses Google Chrome (more like DODOle DUMBE lol. Firefox FTW), is gay for Snake, and thinks he’s going to “prove me wrong” or some crazy shit. This is hyper reality, meaning, like Snake Eater, all similarities to real people are mere coincidence. So enough with the hatemail!

Shall we begin?

Solid Snake is my favorite video game character!

Sorry, but Solid Snake sucks dick. Big Boss is way more badass.

…I said MY favorite video game character. Favorites is a matter of opinion and personal preference.

And your opinion and personal preferences suck. Unless you like being a puppet dancing on the master’s fingertips, because that’s what Snake is!

And he broke those chains after MGS1, and started fighting on his own terms, for his own beliefs.

But he WAS one so you loose there!

…and so was Big Boss. In MGS3 and Portable Ops (in the later, he was the “insurance policy” to Zero’s plans to get back the Philosopher’s Legacy and create the Patriots.) Peace Walker even hints that Big Boss indirectly helped create the Patriot AIs, but that’s all besides the point. Even if that last bit wasn’t true, it doesn’t change the fact that, like Big Boss, Snake eventually put his foot down and fought for his own ideals, as he explains here, in one of my favorite codec conversations.

lmao. He wasn’t “fighting for his beliefs.” He was fighting because he was addicted to war. Remember this line?;

“Fighting was the only thing I was good at. But, at least I always fought for what I believed in.”

He fought because he enjoys killing.

…you missed the point entirely. Keep watching the damn video. Later on, he says;

“We need to remember — to spread the word — to fight for change. And that’s what keeps me alive.”

Think before you type.

Both Liquid and Mantis called Snake out on his addiction to war. Snake is nothing more than a cold blooded killer.

The opinions of two people =/= facts.

But Mantis can read minds!

He was dying, so his analysis was probably rushed. And keep in mind that he’s talking about the man who killed him, so he’s obviously going to be a little biased. Look, play the fucking game again. There’s much more to Snake than what meets the eye. And even if they were right about Snake, IN MGS1, that doesn’t change the fact that HE CHANGED FOR THE BETTER after MGS1, as we see in MGS2. The WHOLE GAME was about Snake fighting his demons. So what Liquid/Mantis said is irrelevant.

I admired Snake in MGS1, but I was literally in awe when I heard that convo after the Harrier fight, seeing Snake go from a profound but misguided mercenary, to a philosopher with guns. People like to bitch about how MGS2 sucked because you played as Raiden instead of Snake, but ironically, MGS2 (Raiden especially) was the best thing to ever happen to Snake.

MGS2 was so dumb.

Indeed it is, you smart person you.

But that doesn’t change the fact that Snake kills people!

And he doesn’t try to justify it. In MGS2, he said there’s “no right part in murder. Not ever,” but then he said why he is fighting; to secure a future. He takes no pride in doing what he feels must be done (this is especially highlighted in MGS4.)

But Liquid and Mantis said he just enjoys all the killing!

Otacon, Meryl, Jack, Naomi, Sunny, and Big Boss all see Snake as more than a killer. That’s SIX people against two, motherfucker! What do you have to say to that?

Argh! Stop going around in circles!

Irony.

1.) Snake was a lacky to the Patriots, created to do their bidding! Even if he wasn’t one in MGS2, he certainly was in MGS4! The only reason he accepted the mission was because Campbell told him to.

2.) Snake was designed to love war. He even calls himself an “old killer” in MGSS4!

3.) Snake completely emotionless! He literally has no feelings!

1.) Nope. In this scene, Kojima made it clear that Snake was not dragged, blackmailed, or in any way forced to take on the assignment. He could have easily turned it down, and nothing would happen to him. Instead, he accepts it, for his own reasons, out of obligation to no one but himself. He felt responsible for Liquid’s sins, which Ocelot willingly inherited. He goes so far as to deny himself any kind of pay, proving that this isn’t just “some wetwork” to Snake, which brings me to my next point.

2.) Snake talking down to himself is nothing new; when Raiden calls him a “legend”, he points out that legends are nothing more than fiction, and that there’s not much of a difference between heroes and madmen. I already went over why Wolfe’s article on Old Snake is a pile of shit (even though he refuses to accept it, instead insisting that everyone who disagrees with him is a naive fanboy that selectively ignores facts, which is ironic, since he does that all the time.) Snake is simply being modest. He is seen as a hero to many, yet his ego is non-existent. That’s a quality of Snake that I’ve always respected.

3.) Emotionless? ORLY?

Depression, disgust, anger, frustration, affection, self-contempt, worry, fear,love, hope, joy, sorrow, grief, failure, nostalgia, remorse etc etc. There are PLENTY of other examples that I can’t be bothered to list.

Yes, Snake is very cold hearted… on the outside. Anyone would be after all he’s been through. But that’s just a mask for all of his other emotions. One that can be easily transparent if you use your brain for once.

Solid Snake is one of the most heartless bastards I’ve ever seen. 

He knew Big Boss was his father, but he still wanted to kill him.

Way to avoid the argument in favor of circular reasoning, but whatever. Anyway, yeah, if my dad was a crazy warmonger hellbent on bringing the world to a state of perpetual warfare, I’d want to burn his ass too. It’s not like he was emotionless about it. He even tells Naomi that it was the “trauma of [his] life.”

lol srlsy? Big Boss was a true hero! He wanted to destroy the Patriots! Snake fought to preserve the Patriots!

First of all, play the MSX games. Big Boss, original intentions not withstanding (you could actually compare PW’s Big Boss to MGS2′s Snake, sort of), is a terrible person. Second of all, no. Snake wasn’t fighting to preserve the Patriots. He was fighting against Outer Heaven. Period. The fact that the Patriots didn’t like Outer Heaven either doesn’t matter, because Philanthropy was still an anti-Patriot group.

But Outer Heaven was against the Patriots, and the Patriots are bad, so that must mean Outer Heaven is good! Which makes Big Boss the true hero of the series! It’s obvious that you haven’t played MGS4 because he tells Snake all of this in the ending!

Actually, I’ve played every Metal Gear game, 4 included. I remember him apologizing for his mistakes. Mistakes that, as Big Boss himself said, had Snake been in his place, he may not have made. Your way of thinking is very narrow minded, assuming that a bad group is good just because they oppose another bad group.

You’re gay.

…

And Big Boss only used Metal Gear for defensive purposes! But remember in MGS4 when Snake was using REX to escape Moses and kill Liquid Ocelot? He was being totally offensive!

That’s fucking stupid. Are you ACTUALLY going to compare a terrorist threat (keep in mind that Big Boss’ intentions with Metal Gear were different than they were in Peace Walker) to attacking a bunch of suicide gecko (ie NOT human lives) and some power hungry maniac driving a mech that was designed to destroy REX derivatives (and REX itself), who instigated a fight by shouting “Moses! Where our fates were born! And where yours ENDS, Snake”?! Snake had every goddamn right to use REX in that situation. Liquid Ocelot is the ultimate twat.

But Ocelot was actually a good guy all along! He manipulated Snake into uploading FOXALIVE to destroy the Patriots, while making sure that it prevented the world chaos you wrongly thought Outer Heaven was about!

I’m not going to waste any more of my time explaining this to you than I need to. Just read this. tl;dr, Ocelot was convinced that FOXALIVE would spark would chaos,  fulfilling “Outer Heaven”, and that was the only reason he said “this is just as I had hoped things would end!” Later, Otacon explains that Ocelot’s predictions were totally false, and that Sunny modified the virus to preserve society. The thread goes much more in-depth on why the notion of Ocelot being a hero is completely false.

Hmmm… interesting…

…seriously?

Yeah bro. It really opened my eyes. I’ll update one of my editorials. Give me a sec.

Hmm… well then. That’s great!

Here, scroll down to the update.

Oh fuck you.

BAHAHAHAHAAH!!!! Ya just got OWNED bitch!

Shut the fuck up.

U mad?

No, seriously, shut the fuck up. I didn’t get “owned” or whatever the fuck you called it. You just proved that you’re a retard. You ignored everything I said and just insisted that you were right without a SINGLE counter-argument. Not that I think a counter-argument would do any better considering how dense you are.

I don’t get it. What’s wrong with Solid Snake? I know, I know, you played MGS3 or one of the portable games first and so  you looooooove the fuck out of Naked Snake. You have a raging harddon for Naked Snake and want to have his babies. Fine. So why the fuck do you hate Solid Snake so much? It’s literally the SAME. FUCKING. THING. You like Naked Snake because his story is one of a black ops soldier freeing himself from the grips of the government and fighting for his beliefs? Yeah, Solid Snake did that BEFORE Big Boss (going by release order.) Why can’t you just love Naked Snake, accept that he became corrupt, and then respect Solid Snake for picking up where he left off? That was the whole POINT of MGS4′s ending (and PW, sort of. Hell, this was even touched upon in MPO.) It’s kind of like how there’s more than one Link in the Zelda series, if the previous Link became batshit crazy and if Ganon became an evil Link fanboy like how the Patriots became Big Boss fanboys with the war economy, and if that Link came back to the new Link to apologize for being a dick.

Is it the melodrama you crave? Then how about this; You are a clone, designed to be genetically inferior to your twisted brothers/father from birth, for the sole purpose of being used as a pawn. You have nightmares about how your daddy tried to kill you, among other tragedies, that all come back to haunt you with people trying to avenge those who you killed. You are forever doomed to live in his shadow, and deal with his terrible legacy. You fall in love, but it wouldn’t last, because you’re called back to the battlefield once again. You have people die/get seriously injured under your protection, and get betrayed left and right by those you trusted. And when you finally vow to rebel and fight for your own ideals, you’re framed for environmental terrorism… and still get used on one occasion, because your dumbass allowed some black dude to inject you with a new strain of FOXDIE to kill your reformed parents. Have a good life… oh, but it’s going to be a short one, since you were also designed to grow old and die twice as fast. Again, because you were made for nothing other than war. So yeah, that’s a good kick in the balls.

All this, and yet he still stays strong, even in the face of impossible odds, even when he’s a tired old man, watching the world crumble around him. Otacon, Jack, Naomi, they all improved their lives after meeting Snake. Otacon always dreamed of using science for the betterment of mankind, yet was always used for evil means, hence Metal Gear REX. Now he’s part of Philanthropy, able to fulfill his dreams (the Metal Gear Mk.II is the perfect representation of this positive change) and support Snake in his missions. Jack was lost in a world of half-truths and fictitious reality. He had no sense of who he was, until he met Snake in the flesh. Those speeches he gave right before you fight those Tengus, in front of Federal Hall, and after the credits, along with that codec convo after the Harrier fight that I already mentioned, are all some of my most treasured moments in all my years of gaming. Yes, he went on a relapse in MGS4, and all hoped seemed lost for him. But Snake still fought hard to get him back on the right track, and in the end, Jack gets his family back.

Naomi is the prime example of everything I love about Snake, and whose character development/opinion on Snake serves as the perfect allegory for this whole debate. Remember in MGS1, how she said she hated him for what he did to her “brother” (Gray Fox) and “benefactor” (Big Boss), both of which he  already felt guilty about. She wanted to kill him for it. Throughout the game, she accuses him of being nothing more than a killer, even when he’s trying to do something good, like save Meryl. This scene sums up this entire argument perfectly. You and every other Solid Snake-hating faggot keep pestering Snake, talking down to him like he’s heartless, even when he shows compassion. What I love about this scene is when Snake finally had enough of Naomi’s shit, puts his foot on the ground, and just tells it like it is; “I’M GOING TO SAVE MERYL. I don’t need an excuse!” Anyway, at that point, Naomi realizes she was wrong about Snake, something she admits later in their heart-to-heart conversation on Disk 2. And in the end, she gains a new appreciation for life, and thanks none other than Solid Snake for it. And then in MGS4, she ends up being the biggest driving force behind the fall of the Patriots (while fooling Liquid Ocelot into thinking his plans for world chaos were a success), all because of her willingness to do great things with her life, which Solid Snake was the catalyst behind (for the record, I think Naomi should get more credit than Snake for taking down the Patriots. But the point is that one man alone cannot change the world.)

EVEN YOUR PRECIOUS BIG BOSS, at the end of MGS4, makes the same revelation Naomi made in MGS1, as I already explained with that “mistakes” line. Snake was one of Big Boss’ greatest foes, and yet here he is, almost 20 years later, realizing he got the Boss’ will totally wrong, and that his enemy succeeded in doing what he had strived to achieve for so long.

Really, if NONE OF THIS is what makes a great man, if not a real hero (or “anti-hero,” if you REALLY want to call him that), I don’t know what is.

…lol u mad?

…whatever. I’ve had enough of you and every other “bro” on this god awful site, and across the internet. Enjoy your bro-jobs, faggots.

…so… yeah, that’s right, bros! The bitch pussied out! Which means, by technicality, I win! Solid Snake sucks! Big Boss is teh sex!

Alright, nothing to see here, folks. Go back to your regular business.

A few days ago, some gay Japanese gaming news site for gay weeaboo faggots reported that Konami will release the Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker artbook on the 17th of this month, which was yesterday. Why won’t I get it? Because Shinkawa sucks penis compared to Ashley Wood. Why couldn’t Wood do all of the cutscenes for Peace Walker? Shinkawa is so gay and untalented and draws lolicon.

So fuck this shit. I’m going to end this news article with some motherfucking Ashley Wood!

Peace my niggaz. Now I’m going to fap to Ursula.