MGS SOCIAL BROS

Many people have accused Big Boss of being retarded for being in his late 30′s yet still believes in Santa Claus. However, these people are the REAL retards! Santa Claus is real.

How do I know this?

Well, you see, years ago, when I was 10, it was midnight on Christmas eve. I snuck out of bed, looking through my dad’s collection of “JUGGS” magazine. I was grabbing some issues, while also getting a cloth from the bathroom (I was out of old socks), when suddenly I heard a thump from downstairs. I was freaking the fuck out, trying hard not to make a noise.

I stepped down the stairs, slowly, creeping my head from the wall. From there, I saw him; motherfucking Saint Nick!

My young little mind could barely contain the joy that I had at the sight of him! Here he is, right in front of me! The man who gave me that kick ass scooter the year before!

But then…

…then, I found my mother. She was in the kitchen, with the smell of freshly baked cookies flowing through the room. She was clothed with only an apron.

That’s when that bastard made his move. He grabbed my mom, threw her to the ground, and started getting on top of her.

Santa was raping my mom! That cunt!

So, I got out my mom’s frying pan, and smacked the asshole in the back of the fucking head. The fucker was knocked out cold. My mom called out my dad’s name in fear, but he didn’t come down stairs for some reason. Must have been tired.

Then she yelled at me and told me to go to my room. Sheesh. I was protecting her! Stupid bitch.

I went to bed. Before I went to sleep, I heard the ambulance outside about 10 minutes later.

It’s hard to hate a man who got you a PS2, but come on. And where the fuck was my dad that morning? He didn’t save my mom and I didn’t find him in bed until he came home a few days later with his face rapped up in bandages. What a prick.

Next year though, GAYint Nicholas came to my room. I was fucking shitting bricks, man. I thought he was going to rape ME. But instead, he apologized for what he did and told me to be a good boy. So it all worked out.

Also, some say that it’s impossible for Santa to deliver to millions of kids around the world. But you see, it’s all very simple; Santa can do what he does because NANOMACHINES.

Yep, another BULLSHIT article, in response to the retarded Solid Snake fanboy cretins. Because apparently my other two articles just weren’t enough. Fine. I will prove, once and for all, why Solid Snake sucks, why he always sucked, and why he always WILL suck.

In order to prove my point, I will present this in a FAQ style. Please excuse the extreme gayness and what-not by the person who’s supposed to be arguing with me. He’s around sixteen years old, uses Google Chrome (more like DODOle DUMBE lol. Firefox FTW), is gay for Snake, and thinks he’s going to “prove me wrong” or some crazy shit. This is hyper reality, meaning, like Snake Eater, all similarities to real people are mere coincidence. So enough with the hatemail!

Shall we begin?

Solid Snake is my favorite video game character!

Sorry, but Solid Snake sucks dick. Big Boss is way more badass.

…I said MY favorite video game character. Favorites is a matter of opinion and personal preference.

And your opinion and personal preferences suck. Unless you like being a puppet dancing on the master’s fingertips, because that’s what Snake is!

And he broke those chains after MGS1, and started fighting on his own terms, for his own beliefs.

But he WAS one so you loose there!

…and so was Big Boss. In MGS3 and Portable Ops (in the later, he was the “insurance policy” to Zero’s plans to get back the Philosopher’s Legacy and create the Patriots.) Peace Walker even hints that Big Boss indirectly helped create the Patriot AIs, but that’s all besides the point. Even if that last bit wasn’t true, it doesn’t change the fact that, like Big Boss, Snake eventually put his foot down and fought for his own ideals, as he explains here, in one of my favorite codec conversations.

lmao. He wasn’t “fighting for his beliefs.” He was fighting because he was addicted to war. Remember this line?;

“Fighting was the only thing I was good at. But, at least I always fought for what I believed in.”

He fought because he enjoys killing.

…you missed the point entirely. Keep watching the damn video. Later on, he says;

“We need to remember — to spread the word — to fight for change. And that’s what keeps me alive.”

Think before you type.

Both Liquid and Mantis called Snake out on his addiction to war. Snake is nothing more than a cold blooded killer.

The opinions of two people =/= facts.

But Mantis can read minds!

He was dying, so his analysis was probably rushed. And keep in mind that he’s talking about the man who killed him, so he’s obviously going to be a little biased. Look, play the fucking game again. There’s much more to Snake than what meets the eye. And even if they were right about Snake, IN MGS1, that doesn’t change the fact that HE CHANGED FOR THE BETTER after MGS1, as we see in MGS2. The WHOLE GAME was about Snake fighting his demons. So what Liquid/Mantis said is irrelevant.

I admired Snake in MGS1, but I was literally in awe when I heard that convo after the Harrier fight, seeing Snake go from a profound but misguided mercenary, to a philosopher with guns. People like to bitch about how MGS2 sucked because you played as Raiden instead of Snake, but ironically, MGS2 (Raiden especially) was the best thing to ever happen to Snake.

MGS2 was so dumb.

Indeed it is, you smart person you.

But that doesn’t change the fact that Snake kills people!

And he doesn’t try to justify it. In MGS2, he said there’s “no right part in murder. Not ever,” but then he said why he is fighting; to secure a future. He takes no pride in doing what he feels must be done (this is especially highlighted in MGS4.)

But Liquid and Mantis said he just enjoys all the killing!

Otacon, Meryl, Jack, Naomi, Sunny, and Big Boss all see Snake as more than a killer. That’s SIX people against two, motherfucker! What do you have to say to that?

Argh! Stop going around in circles!

Irony.

1.) Snake was a lacky to the Patriots, created to do their bidding! Even if he wasn’t one in MGS2, he certainly was in MGS4! The only reason he accepted the mission was because Campbell told him to.

2.) Snake was designed to love war. He even calls himself an “old killer” in MGSS4!

3.) Snake completely emotionless! He literally has no feelings!

1.) Nope. In this scene, Kojima made it clear that Snake was not dragged, blackmailed, or in any way forced to take on the assignment. He could have easily turned it down, and nothing would happen to him. Instead, he accepts it, for his own reasons, out of obligation to no one but himself. He felt responsible for Liquid’s sins, which Ocelot willingly inherited. He goes so far as to deny himself any kind of pay, proving that this isn’t just “some wetwork” to Snake, which brings me to my next point.

2.) Snake talking down to himself is nothing new; when Raiden calls him a “legend”, he points out that legends are nothing more than fiction, and that there’s not much of a difference between heroes and madmen. I already went over why Wolfe’s article on Old Snake is a pile of shit (even though he refuses to accept it, instead insisting that everyone who disagrees with him is a naive fanboy that selectively ignores facts, which is ironic, since he does that all the time.) Snake is simply being modest. He is seen as a hero to many, yet his ego is non-existent. That’s a quality of Snake that I’ve always respected.

3.) Emotionless? ORLY?

Depression, disgust, anger, frustration, affection, self-contempt, worry, fear,love, hope, joy, sorrow, grief, failure, nostalgia, remorse etc etc. There are PLENTY of other examples that I can’t be bothered to list.

Yes, Snake is very cold hearted… on the outside. Anyone would be after all he’s been through. But that’s just a mask for all of his other emotions. One that can be easily transparent if you use your brain for once.

Solid Snake is one of the most heartless bastards I’ve ever seen. 

He knew Big Boss was his father, but he still wanted to kill him.

Way to avoid the argument in favor of circular reasoning, but whatever. Anyway, yeah, if my dad was a crazy warmonger hellbent on bringing the world to a state of perpetual warfare, I’d want to burn his ass too. It’s not like he was emotionless about it. He even tells Naomi that it was the “trauma of [his] life.”

lol srlsy? Big Boss was a true hero! He wanted to destroy the Patriots! Snake fought to preserve the Patriots!

First of all, play the MSX games. Big Boss, original intentions not withstanding (you could actually compare PW’s Big Boss to MGS2′s Snake, sort of), is a terrible person. Second of all, no. Snake wasn’t fighting to preserve the Patriots. He was fighting against Outer Heaven. Period. The fact that the Patriots didn’t like Outer Heaven either doesn’t matter, because Philanthropy was still an anti-Patriot group.

But Outer Heaven was against the Patriots, and the Patriots are bad, so that must mean Outer Heaven is good! Which makes Big Boss the true hero of the series! It’s obvious that you haven’t played MGS4 because he tells Snake all of this in the ending!

Actually, I’ve played every Metal Gear game, 4 included. I remember him apologizing for his mistakes. Mistakes that, as Big Boss himself said, had Snake been in his place, he may not have made. Your way of thinking is very narrow minded, assuming that a bad group is good just because they oppose another bad group.

You’re gay.

…

And Big Boss only used Metal Gear for defensive purposes! But remember in MGS4 when Snake was using REX to escape Moses and kill Liquid Ocelot? He was being totally offensive!

That’s fucking stupid. Are you ACTUALLY going to compare a terrorist threat (keep in mind that Big Boss’ intentions with Metal Gear were different than they were in Peace Walker) to attacking a bunch of suicide gecko (ie NOT human lives) and some power hungry maniac driving a mech that was designed to destroy REX derivatives (and REX itself), who instigated a fight by shouting “Moses! Where our fates were born! And where yours ENDS, Snake”?! Snake had every goddamn right to use REX in that situation. Liquid Ocelot is the ultimate twat.

But Ocelot was actually a good guy all along! He manipulated Snake into uploading FOXALIVE to destroy the Patriots, while making sure that it prevented the world chaos you wrongly thought Outer Heaven was about!

I’m not going to waste any more of my time explaining this to you than I need to. Just read this. tl;dr, Ocelot was convinced that FOXALIVE would spark would chaos,  fulfilling “Outer Heaven”, and that was the only reason he said “this is just as I had hoped things would end!” Later, Otacon explains that Ocelot’s predictions were totally false, and that Sunny modified the virus to preserve society. The thread goes much more in-depth on why the notion of Ocelot being a hero is completely false.

Hmmm… interesting…

…seriously?

Yeah bro. It really opened my eyes. I’ll update one of my editorials. Give me a sec.

Hmm… well then. That’s great!

Here, scroll down to the update.

Oh fuck you.

BAHAHAHAHAAH!!!! Ya just got OWNED bitch!

Shut the fuck up.

U mad?

No, seriously, shut the fuck up. I didn’t get “owned” or whatever the fuck you called it. You just proved that you’re a retard. You ignored everything I said and just insisted that you were right without a SINGLE counter-argument. Not that I think a counter-argument would do any better considering how dense you are.

I don’t get it. What’s wrong with Solid Snake? I know, I know, you played MGS3 or one of the portable games first and so  you looooooove the fuck out of Naked Snake. You have a raging harddon for Naked Snake and want to have his babies. Fine. So why the fuck do you hate Solid Snake so much? It’s literally the SAME. FUCKING. THING. You like Naked Snake because his story is one of a black ops soldier freeing himself from the grips of the government and fighting for his beliefs? Yeah, Solid Snake did that BEFORE Big Boss (going by release order.) Why can’t you just love Naked Snake, accept that he became corrupt, and then respect Solid Snake for picking up where he left off? That was the whole POINT of MGS4′s ending (and PW, sort of. Hell, this was even touched upon in MPO.) It’s kind of like how there’s more than one Link in the Zelda series, if the previous Link became batshit crazy and if Ganon became an evil Link fanboy like how the Patriots became Big Boss fanboys with the war economy, and if that Link came back to the new Link to apologize for being a dick.

Is it the melodrama you crave? Then how about this; You are a clone, designed to be genetically inferior to your twisted brothers/father from birth, for the sole purpose of being used as a pawn. You have nightmares about how your daddy tried to kill you, among other tragedies, that all come back to haunt you with people trying to avenge those who you killed. You are forever doomed to live in his shadow, and deal with his terrible legacy. You fall in love, but it wouldn’t last, because you’re called back to the battlefield once again. You have people die/get seriously injured under your protection, and get betrayed left and right by those you trusted. And when you finally vow to rebel and fight for your own ideals, you’re framed for environmental terrorism… and still get used on one occasion, because your dumbass allowed some black dude to inject you with a new strain of FOXDIE to kill your reformed parents. Have a good life… oh, but it’s going to be a short one, since you were also designed to grow old and die twice as fast. Again, because you were made for nothing other than war. So yeah, that’s a good kick in the balls.

All this, and yet he still stays strong, even in the face of impossible odds, even when he’s a tired old man, watching the world crumble around him. Otacon, Jack, Naomi, they all improved their lives after meeting Snake. Otacon always dreamed of using science for the betterment of mankind, yet was always used for evil means, hence Metal Gear REX. Now he’s part of Philanthropy, able to fulfill his dreams (the Metal Gear Mk.II is the perfect representation of this positive change) and support Snake in his missions. Jack was lost in a world of half-truths and fictitious reality. He had no sense of who he was, until he met Snake in the flesh. Those speeches he gave right before you fight those Tengus, in front of Federal Hall, and after the credits, along with that codec convo after the Harrier fight that I already mentioned, are all some of my most treasured moments in all my years of gaming. Yes, he went on a relapse in MGS4, and all hoped seemed lost for him. But Snake still fought hard to get him back on the right track, and in the end, Jack gets his family back.

Naomi is the prime example of everything I love about Snake, and whose character development/opinion on Snake serves as the perfect allegory for this whole debate. Remember in MGS1, how she said she hated him for what he did to her “brother” (Gray Fox) and “benefactor” (Big Boss), both of which he  already felt guilty about. She wanted to kill him for it. Throughout the game, she accuses him of being nothing more than a killer, even when he’s trying to do something good, like save Meryl. This scene sums up this entire argument perfectly. You and every other Solid Snake-hating faggot keep pestering Snake, talking down to him like he’s heartless, even when he shows compassion. What I love about this scene is when Snake finally had enough of Naomi’s shit, puts his foot on the ground, and just tells it like it is; “I’M GOING TO SAVE MERYL. I don’t need an excuse!” Anyway, at that point, Naomi realizes she was wrong about Snake, something she admits later in their heart-to-heart conversation on Disk 2. And in the end, she gains a new appreciation for life, and thanks none other than Solid Snake for it. And then in MGS4, she ends up being the biggest driving force behind the fall of the Patriots (while fooling Liquid Ocelot into thinking his plans for world chaos were a success), all because of her willingness to do great things with her life, which Solid Snake was the catalyst behind (for the record, I think Naomi should get more credit than Snake for taking down the Patriots. But the point is that one man alone cannot change the world.)

EVEN YOUR PRECIOUS BIG BOSS, at the end of MGS4, makes the same revelation Naomi made in MGS1, as I already explained with that “mistakes” line. Snake was one of Big Boss’ greatest foes, and yet here he is, almost 20 years later, realizing he got the Boss’ will totally wrong, and that his enemy succeeded in doing what he had strived to achieve for so long.

Really, if NONE OF THIS is what makes a great man, if not a real hero (or “anti-hero,” if you REALLY want to call him that), I don’t know what is.

…lol u mad?

…whatever. I’ve had enough of you and every other “bro” on this god awful site, and across the internet. Enjoy your bro-jobs, faggots.

…so… yeah, that’s right, bros! The bitch pussied out! Which means, by technicality, I win! Solid Snake sucks! Big Boss is teh sex!

Alright, nothing to see here, folks. Go back to your regular business.

This myth isn’t as offensive or widespread as the one about Solid Snake being the true hero of the series, but it’s still out there. Whatever. At least it gives me something to type out here. Using my extreme wisdom at the MGS lore, I will disprove this outright lie.

Leave it to me, bros. I got this shit.

Claim: Snake beat Big Boss twice. That automatically means he’s a better fighter.

Counter-Claim: Oh please. First of all, the MSX games are gay. And Kojima knows this. That’s why he retconned the shit out of them, like how Big Boss is now the hero. Second of all, even IF those games are still canon, do you realize how much of a disadvantage Big Boss was at those two points? He was old! Around his 60′s according to PW’s retcon. Before, he was in his 80′s when he fought Snake! Big Boss was at a total disadvantage!

You know, because being unarmed totally isn’t a major disadvantage when going up against a guy with a gun, especially when this guy was (and still is) hailed as the greatest soldier of the 20th century and you’re just a rookie with shitty genes, relying only on your wits and MacGyver skills to defeat a seemingly unstoppable force. Did I mention that Big Boss was apparently revived as part of Dr.Madnar’s Snatcher project, which gave him robotic limbs, thus negating the “he was old” excuse? Kessler even told Snake he may as well give up if that was the case, and even if the rumor wasn’t true, Big Boss said Snake had no hope without a weapon. A lighter and spraycan (which he only found by sheer luck) can only go so far unless you’re REALLY good with it. I mean, Big Boss even defeated THE FURY, so he’s had experience with something even worse before. But all this basic logic makes my brain hurt so fuck it.

With that laughable argument out of the way, to prove my point once and for all, remember this?

Big Boss fucking dominated Snake’s bitch ass in this scene! Yeah, five seconds of shoving and then giving that person a hug TOTALLY means you’re a badass. It’s not like Snake was in shock to see the man who thought he killed over a decade ago yet still managed to make his life complete shit over the years has suddenly come back to haunt him. Five seconds of doing nothing extraordinary should make up for being beaten twice in actual fights!

Well, that didn’t take much. Sorry, your worthless Solid Snake fanboys, but it looks like we win again! When will you faggots accept that Big Boss is the true hero and that Snake is nothing more than a helpless pawn, unworthy of being in Big Boss’ shadow? Jeez.

auturs notes: lol hai sorry about the bad spelling i just got done smoking a bowl and i feel fuken SHOT lmao

look, maek up az many stoopid theoriz bout me being gay, fine. my mom somhow bein a bitch (she iz), w/e. solid snaek bein da hero o da seers and big baws being a villain? fuk u, sandnigger.

how am i so sur dat the man in the eyepatch (ie not solid faggot pawn snake) is da troo hero and not som mere copy of de original badass? specially since ma mom grounded me 4 failin all ma exams cuz I wuz 2 busy rankin up ma army in portable ops plus?

letz go over da “compelling evidence.”

1.) Big Boss was insane in the MSX games.

da msx gaems dont count anymor. They wer gay and had shitty block grafx. and kojima maed retconz 2 da story liek big boss bein snakes dad and gray fox not bein an asshole.

2.) Solid Snake believed that Big Boss was an asshole in MGS1, 2, and 4.

Well DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!!!!! wat else wood a gay ass stoopid sheeple pawn beLIEve? snaek iz just an ignorant pawn and does not see the tyranny in zeros patriots. just look at dis

Campbell: Beneath the surface, a new Cold War is brewing between Liquid and the Patriots over who will survive.
Snake: And no matter who wins, the world has no future. Unless we stop Liquid and destroy the System, we’ll never be free.

c?! heez completely deluded!

3.) From the ending of MGS1 onward, Snake no longer worked for the government. He no longer just lives for himself. He works for his own group; Philanthropy. He was Jack’s catalyst towards gaining his own sense of self. He cared about the world, and it’s future. In the end of the game, it’s clear that he strongly opposed the Patriots (hence Philanthropy saving Sunny from the Patriots.) He only “supported” (note the quotation marks) them on some of his missions because people like Big Boss, Liquid, and Ocelot, while they may also oppose the Patriots, were really no better. They all wanted to bring the world into ruin, a state of endless warfare. In the Act 1 mission briefing, he could have easily turned down Campbell’s mission to terminate Liquid Ocelot. Unlike in MGS1, he was not dragged from his home, blackmailed, or in any way forced to take on the mission. He accepted the mission for his own reasons; to put an end to Liquid’s sins, which Ocelot willingly inherited, due to his obsession with Big Boss. He even denies himself any kind of pay, proving that this isn’t just “some wet work” to Snake, despite what he may claim.

LOL. please! solid snake is the most heartless robots in gaming. he literally haz 0 emotions. on the other hand big boss is so funny like when he talks about how tasty adorable forest animals are or when he believes in santa and vampires.
snake is nothing more than a killer. liquid and psycho mantis said so and since everything liquid and psycho mantis say is 100% fact then that must mean its troo especially since mantis can read minds. fuck the characters development since that scene. he only took on da mission cuz he lieks killing.
also ocelot is a troo hero too he wanted a free world and had sunny modify foxalive but ill get in2 dat l8er

4.) Big Boss HIMSELF apologizes at the end of MGS4, stating that Solid Snake was doing the right thing all along (especially from the end of MGS1 onward.) He even said that he, Zero, Liquid, Solidus, and pretty much every character were all fighting for the same thing, just in different (and unsuccessful) ways. In the end, no matter how hard they tried, they were still bound to the same cage, “liberty.” In the end, only Solid Snake, with the help of Otacon, Naomi Hunter, and Sunny, was able to achieve it.

fuk u u r no mgs fan any1 who has watched th eending knows dat de ending proves 1nce and 4 all dat big boss is da troo hero just look he wuz good not evil just likei n mgs3 po and pw. just look at how he talks down to snake here

Big Boss: I… never thought of you… as a son… but I always respected you… as a soldier… and… as a man… had you been in my place back then… maybe you wouldn’t have made… the same mistakes that I did.

so as you can see big boss and ocelot are da true heroes to the story. y ocelot? listen closely to ocelots words at the end he went through psychotherapy to make his mind like liquids so he could push snake into defeating the patriots and he paid the ultimate sacrifice to do it.

UPDATE – some fag on the gay snaek soop forums made a stoopid thread about why the strategy guides interpretation about ocelot being one of da troo heroes is a lie but hes a faggot and tam’s bitch so fuck him.

yeah big boss is da troo hero and in honor of dat I giv him dis tribute