Anyone know why hairdressers are retarded?

[Mr. Wolfe]

I know that on average at least 30% of people I deal with are going to be retarded, regardless of what they do for a living, but generally 60% are reasonably competent and 10% are slightly above average in intelligence. So why is it that every hairdresser in the world is a retard?

As most of you know I have gorgeous wavy brown hair by nature, because I'm a superior human being than everyone else. Lately it's been getting just long enough that it's difficult to manage and shit, and with Winter here I didn't want to get it all shaved like I normally would. So I figured hey, maybe if I go to a hairdresser and pay money, and be sure to tell them exactly what I want and don't want, I can actually have some thick hair on top to keep my warm and looking fine, but not the wings and puff that happens on the sides and the back.

Okay so I go make an appointment. I show up and tell the girl that most of the time the person cuts the hair too short on the top and front, and that all I want is to have the sides and back shortened. I also say that I'm happy with the top and front, and don't need it thinned out or anything. Just for good measure I also make a point of mentioning how the only part of the hair that I'm not satisfied with is the back and sides and I would like those areas to look more trim and professional. For fear of insulting her, I don't keep repeating it and telling her what to do step by step, because lord knows she has the ability to make me regret it. I've been polite and clear and she seems fine.

So she starts cutting and it's going well. I'm actually quite impressed by the fact that she's not a retard. She's just cutting the back and sides like I asked, and I begin to have hope that maybe, if I only go back to this one hairdresser and use positive reinforcement and cash to communicate how I appreciate the smidgen of intelligence she is demonstrating, I'll be set for a good long time. This hope continues to build as we get further along, and eventually I'm completely convinced that it's going to be good.



So what in the hollering fuck is this?

I'm literally going to get my head shaved later today so that I can undo this fagtastrophe. Now I know you idiots are going to say "BUT LOL ITS YOUR FAULT FOR NOT TELLING HER THAT BLAH BLAH BLAH" but it's because I was so happy and certain that the girl who was cutting my hair was finished, and that I would be stepping away from the chair momentarily, that when she started to cut a bit off the top I was like "Oh, so this is like just cutting the split ends or whatever shit hairdressers care about. Well at least she's not REALLY cutting it shorter, that would just be fucking retarded, given that I specifically and repeatedly said that I didn't want --"

"--Oh fuck no, she didn't just do that."

SNIP SNIP hey buddy there goes those pesky bangs that you said you wanted to keep. And while we're at it lets just make a few more passes on the top so that you dont accidentally get what you want. I mean really, I'm a nice guy in person and I don't want to embarass her by suddenly being like "Whoa bitch what is your problem?" in front of her coworkers and the other people in the place, plus it wouldn't have helped anything at that point either, but if I ever do decide to go back to a hairdresser I'm going to have to literally threaten to break her fingers, and then physically restrain her hands once she gets carried away with her little retard mind or something.

And I'm not a vain person, really, which is why I dont go to hairdressers or put effort into my appearance. I like to look decent and proper if anything, but this is far worse than having messy lopsided wings and unmanagable shit going on. Why? Because now it appears as if I want to look like a faggot. When you have unkempt cow licks and messy hair it may look ugly, but it feels honest -- people believe that hair makes a statement, and to the extent that everything a person says, does or chooses to look like automatically sends some kind of message when interpreted, it does. The message being that I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.

This is the same thing that happens EVERY goddamn time I go to a hairdresser, which has been like 4 times in my life, none of which were of my own accord. Today was the first day I chose to simply go and get a hair cut. Where the fuck is an actual barber anyway? You know, like a middle aged man who has some sense of dignity and competence, and doesn't insist on fucking chopping at a persons head for their own personal amusement? Somebody who may have an idea of what a respectable professional is supposed to do when they're told what to do by a customer?

It's not just the principal of the matter, either, it's the fact that I am currently a walking public display of the principal of the matter, manifesting physically and constantly the simple fact that all hairdressers are retarded, and that I was foolish enough to go to one on a whim and test my luck. It's actually JUST short enough that I can't do fuck all with it, too, which means that I can't just comb it differently or anything and hide the gayness of it. I am radiating idiocy like fucking Plutonium-239.

And to those who say "It just looks normal" or "It doesn't look bad, how anal must you be to get upset over nothing" you don't understand the issue. People who have this hair have a certain kind of personality; it is a stupid personality. It's a reminder of total incompetence and wasted money. My head will not retain any heat this way. People who know me will instantly know that I went to a hairdresser, and they will probably assume that I'm more or less happy with it, which will indicate to them that I've undergone a personality change and become stupid like them. This will make them happy, and cause them to feel more comfortable around me, which is not good. People tend to analyze stupid shit like that about me, and eagerly wait for the day that I will conform to the standards of society. This will not suffice.

So why are all hairdressers retarded?

[Nate]

Just be glad you didn't get one of those nancy boy faggot hair dressers mixing up their intended gender roles cutting your hair. He probably would have died your hair pink or rainbow or something. There would probably be stacks and stacks of fagazines in the waiting room. He probably grew up in Buffalo.

Seriously though, your hair looks fine.

[Maxwell]

[Kinsoku Jiko]

I've not been to one in 3 years, but the one who used to cut my hair prior to it growing out was gay, and all the females that worked there used to tell me to ask him how many men he'd had sex with in this game of using an 11-12 year old to relay messages not meant for an 11-12 year old.

[Nate]

[Vitamin D]

I've usually gone to barbers and that's it. Never to an actual hairdresser. Though what I think is that a lot of hairdressers prefer to go with what they think looks good on you rather based on what you say. They'll take what you want but then make a few tweeks against what you say.

Though honestly, I think your hair looks pretty good.

[Douche]

I always hear about people running into shitty hairdressers and so far, I haven't.

I'm pretty impulsive with what I want with my hair too. My hairdressers haven't fucked up anything I've wanted in... Ever. I go there every couple of months and generally it's a different person who does it most of the time.

Anyway, your hair looks fine.

[Ravi Singh]

Just grow a beard to make up for your shitty haircut.

[0nfio]

I feel for you, Wolfe. I rarely get a haircut I like from a hairdresser, just my experience. I don't shave my head, though; I just live with it, because I've gotta live with everything else I don't like, hey, what's one more thing? Plus, I've got this humongous ugly scar on the back of my head.

Related: I remember a friend going to Great Clips for a "slight trim" only to shave his head when he got home. Man, he was depressed for a while. He had really nice, long black hair. Don't go to Great Clips.

Oh, and don't go to places where the haircuts are cheap. You get what you pay for, uh, usually.

[Nate]

http://www.youtube.com/v/9XLshEBvYdw

[Con-con]

[Mr. Wolfe]

I was actually thinking the same thing, I wont be shaving the beard for a while now. The haircut looks like it belongs to a faggy 12 year old so maybe I can counterbalance it

[Nate]

Bro what you've got to do is just go out there and bone a bunch of fine ass bitties (in the ass though, that doesn't count as sex so you will still go to heaven) that's whatever I do when my boys call my masculinity in to question, I just mount their girlfriend right in front of them and say "yeah, who is the faggot now?" and then we play a nice sweaty game of football followed by a group shower in the locker room.

[Mr. Wolfe]

But really brotox, you totally have the wrong understanding of the issue here, but I appreciate the solid advice man. It's kind of hard to believe that a fag would do all the stuff you said but it's like they say, queer is as queer does, right?

[Adamant]