Editorial:
Metal Gear Solid 2: Get Over It!
By Ravi Singh
Posted on October 02, 2006
There still are many people that feel that Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty
was not that swell of a game. Somehow, it was the worst of the series and the most
over hyped piece of shit ever released in the form of a disc.
Odd, because I feel the complete opposite.
I could sit here and type out all the reasons why this video game is intellectually
stunning and paved a road for a way video games can become "acceptable" to an audience
who go nuts over "artsy" movies. But you know, I don't feel like it.
Instead, I'm going to pick out some claims of why this game apparently sucks on
used douche nozzles, and rip them apart. Of course, some of these claims are by
people who actually believe that this game is, at least, decent. However, that does
not justify shitty excuses used to demean the game.
Claim: "Raiden has the most annoying woman ever!" -
Benjamin
While
Benjamin from GameSpy makes a point that Rose is fucking obnoxious, obviously
he doesn't have enough experience with women to realize that some are a lot worse
than that. Want an example? My friend was sleeping (with some girl, please note
that he was at the moment, single) and his ex-girlfriend broke into his apartment
with her dildo. She goes into his bedroom and starts shouting random shit while
hitting my friend with her dildo. My friend, pissed off because he allegedly was
very tired for "personal" reasons, picked up his ex, ran outside, and dropped her
on the floor and locked the door. Ten minutes later, the police came by because
she told them that he abused her. Sorry Benj, but Rose has nothing on the women
I've known and have heard of.
On the same note, while
Fargo apparently seems to have settled down with a lovely woman, his job keeps
on making things hard between the two:
"...in all our years dating and living together, this is the first and only game
where the dialogue was so bad that my wife actually had to get up and leave the
room. Ouch."
Ouch indeed. But what did, or would, your wife do during a run through the original
Resident Evil? You know, the one with lines such as "You were almost a Jill sandwich!"
or the every-so-popular "Jill, why don't you, the master of unlocking, take this
lock pick." How about Devil May Cry, which is a fun game, but admittedly tries TOO
hard to be cool with lines such as "Flock off, featherface!" and "I should have
been the one to fill your dark soul with liiiiiiight!!!" C'mon now? Bad dialogue
in a Metal Gear Solid game? What the flock are you talking about?
"[Raiden] has a huge emotional attachment to Rose, one of the most annoying female
love interests I have ever seen in a game..." -
Kyle B.
Like Benjamin, this poor guy just doesn't have experience with women. Unless you're
in Japan, in which hentai shows that rape is like giving a girl a handshake!* And
besides, doesn't anyone ever wonder if they deserve each other?
 And
you fucking wait until they, for some god damn reason, make a Courtney Love video
game!
*It's a joke, don't kill me.
Claim: Raiden is gay!
OH NOS! SOMEBODY TRIGGERED THE GAYD4R!!!
"Even if we needed him for a part in the whole metal gear series why did they
make him a limp wristed pillow biter, to make things worse they give his a girl
friend whose twice as annoying as he is." -
Cory P, who obviously knows what the term "pillow biter" means, despite the
fact that Raiden has an annoying girlfriend, which he also mentions.
While Raikov from Snake Eater is at least bisexual, Raiden does not seem to be gay,
despite what many people state. First off, he has an annoying girlfriend, who's
pregnant. If you kids don't know, he laid pipes with a girl in order to get her
pregnant.
Oh, so you wanted to play as Snake some more? Why the lust after Snake? Maybe YOU'RE
the gay one, and you're so suppressed that you label Raiden as a homosexual because
you have a thing for Solid Snake? Yeah, figures.
Raiden's not gay. YOU'RE gay.
"Didn't we all buy this to play as Snake???" asks
Edward B. I don't think that was the reason why I bought the game. I think
I bought it for the... game.
Also, the people who were pissed that they had to see Raiden's bare ass - get the
fuck over it. I drive home from work every night and have to drive through Sunset
on Hollywood and always have to see a billboard for Joe's Jeans in which a woman
is looking at a guy and all you see of the guy is a bare ass. I can understand if
you see Raiden's cornhole, but you don't, so no big deal.
Claim: The codec conversations/cutscenes are too long!!!
I don't need to give an example of this claim. What I will do is state that pressing
TRIANGLE twice allows you to skip the conversation. Pressing nearly any button skips
cutscenes.
"Oooh, but what about the story, then?! How can you know the story if you skip the
codec and cutscenes?!"
...then fucking watch them!!! If you actually do give a shit about the story, watch
them. If you don't like the story, or don't care, SKIP THEM!!!
Claim: The set-up is too much like Metal Gear Solid.
Then you obviously skipped the cutscenes and codec conversations. There's a reason
why some things from the Plant Chapter seems so familiar...
As for people who think the S3 thing is bullshit, despite the fact that that's not
even why it's supposed to be similar to Shadow Moses:
"These bad guys don’t seem to know that Snake himself is the result of genetic
cloning, and that seemed to work fine." -
Smashman3k
No it didn't. The Snakes age rapidly, and even the Secretary of Defense during Shadow
Moses, Jim Houseman, was willing to nuke Liquid and Solid Snake, letting President
Sears live because, well, it would be weird to have the President of the United
States die from a nuclear attack in Alaska.
Claim: They cut out a major portion of the game for 9/11!
"We all remember September 11, 2001, but that was just a stupid reason to cut
out a huge portion of a latter game cut scene." -
Some Fucking Guy.
What cutscene is this? Well, according to The Document, a scene of Arsenal Gear
crashing into Manhattan and a television report about that whole thing. That's it.
Nothing major. It was all in respect for the victims of September 11th. What would
have been better, a delay? Besides, this guy keeps on going by saying:
"I won't give it away, but I warn you, it makes no sense."
How does it make no sense? After Snake chases after RAY, Arsenal Gear crashes into
New York and the impact causes Raiden and Solidus to fly off and land on top of
Federal Hall. I figured this out the first time I played the game. Do you guys have
to be shown every single thing to get something? No wonder the game's story was
so confusing. I bet you guys didn't realize that Snake was Pliskin, since, after
all, you never saw Solid Snake actually put on his disguise.
Some Fucking Guy, during the scene in which Raiden and Solidus land on the roof
of Federal Hall:
Claim: Controls were too hard
"So I had to use a total of 4 buttons, not that much but it was completely impossible to move easyily [sic] and fast enough." -
tyltyl (Tell You Later Tell You Later? Alrighty then.)
Poor guy. He's used to pressing one (1) button at a time. Sorry, that was harsh
of me. He probably was able to play old NES games that involved two (that's 2) buttons.
I am not sure how he reacted to the SEGA Genesis/MegaDrive controllers... with the
choice of three buttons to make Sonic jump, he probably got real pissed off when
he realized that he had to hold DOWN while pressing A, B, or C to do a Spindash.
Four buttons?! Fuck that noise.
Despite your desire to be stealthy: the noise of the Harrier, the fact that
the people in the Harrier know that you're around, and the fact that the
only way to take it down is to use a Stinger Missile Launcher means that
you should SHUT THE FUCK UP, PULL OUT THE STINGER, AND TAKE THAT MOTHERFUCKER
DOWN! (Harrier 2, built to last, by
Scorp)
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Claim: The game's not stealthy because it has a lot of weapons that aren't quite
stealthy at all.
"You do have a nice assortment of weapons though. Everything from grenades to
rocket launchers and assault rifles. Very stealthy." -
ZokeThe2nd, not to be confused with the first and third Zokes, should they exist.
There are certain parts in the game where Raiden does not have to be stealthy. They
are during boss battles and during that part inside of Arsenal Gear with Solid Snake
which I call "The Big Fat Kill." Seriously though. How else would you take down
a Harrier? The SOCOM can only get you so far.
This isn't Splinter Cell, alright?
Claim: "For a game with a realistic setting and hyper-realistic gameplay,
the inclusion of super villains with super powers seemed out of place. At times,
Metal Gear Solid seemed more like X-Men than a James Bond." -
beaker342
Yes, because the 007 series is not only what Metal Gear is trying to be, but also
the most realistic espionage series ever. People like Jaws, Oddjob, Goldfinger,
Baron Samedi really do exist and they will totally fuck you up. And if you work
for the British government, you will get laid more often than you really need to
be, by friends and fiends alike!
Vamp is immortal, and honestly, I can't tell you why. Supposedly, we will find out
in Guns of the Patriots. Fatman is on roller-skates because, well, can you imagine
fighting him if he was on foot, running around?! As for Ocelot's arm... well, yeah.
But hey, Ocelot is The Sorrow's son, and Liquid Snake is a son of Big Boss. Thus,
the equation should be:
The Sorrow's powers of bringing back the dead + Big Boss' genes = crazy shit.
Oh, and once again, Guns of the Patriots. No, I don't mean that it'll explain everything.
But I'm sure that the story will need Liquid Snake in it, and that's the only way
to bring him back besides the cliché "Well he's a cyborg now. Supz."
As for the people who bitch about the first Metal Gear Solid having realistic villains,
I think not. People like Raven don't exist. Same for Psycho Mantis. People just
don't float around and make women go "MAKE LOVE TO ME" for if there was, he would
be the most successful musician and business man in Vegas.
Claim: Raiden looks like a girl.
"raiden does look like a girl if you think about it. just add some breasts and........................
lol" -
Bergey, comedian.
Quick, is this person a girl or a dude:
The answer? I don't know, Google Search is an odd thing, and my point is: who cares?
Also, it could have been much worse:
RIDICULOUS CLAIMS: Claims that only approximately two people believe.
Claim: Sons of Liberty is religious.
"...preachy religious story line towards the end." -
B.S.
I don't know if religion has anything to do with mind control (well, ok, sometimes
it does, but, well, nevermind) but B.S. thinks so. Is it because Vamp turned
into Vamp in a church? The church bombing fuck-up by Peter Stillman? La-Le-Lu-Li-Lo?
Were you smoking moldy goo, sir?
Claim: "This is violent and teaches children it is ok to play with guns and
killing people." -
Alicia D.
Professor Solid Snake taught me so well that I have... not killed anyone. I do play
with guns. But they're not real guns. In fact, that's not what you're talking about
here.
Now the funny thing is, I'm sure that there are several other things that Alicia
does approve of, but is utter bullshit. Just don't even buy your kids a television
or even a CD-player if you're afraid of things like video games, music, movies,
etc. to, somehow, become "The Complete Idiot's Guide To Playing With Guns And Killing
People."
Claim: "[Raiden] has almost no physicial [sic] definition [and he] look[s]
like a ten year old boy." -
Kyle B.
Um, ok? Not only does this ring the GARD4R, because honestly, a male's physical
appearance never ever was of any importance to a straight man like me, but if there was a ten year old who had the body of Raiden, I would not fuck with him. But maybe
I'm just odd?
Claim: "[...]but the thing is that I have never been all that interested in the series, and stealth games are not among my favourite, so I don’t care if I never happen to play the first game entirely" -
Braben
...why the hell are you reviewing this game?!
Claim: Raiden is not funny!
"Raiden never once cracked a joke"
Kyle B, once again.
Yes, the game would have been 1,872,812 times better had Raiden just once in a while
turned to the camera and did this:
LOL! RAIDENS SO FUNNY MORE THAN SMNAKE!!1
And with that, to sum up all the hate: get over Raiden.
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