The following "article" was posted as an April Fools Joke. The joke itself was
not intended to fool anybody, but rather, be a parody of what seems to be the new
wave of Metal Gear fans (or rather, Metal Gear Solid fans) that I've come across
ever since the release of Metal Gear Online for Metal Gear Solid 3: Subsistence.
Not to say all of MGO's fans are like this, or that all Metal Gear fans before MGO
are geniuses. In fact, some of them are parodied below as well. Of course, nearly
everything is sarcastic as fuck and not to be taken seriously unless you are an
By Ravi Singh
Posted on April 1, 2008; Updated April 19, 2008
HOW MGS4 WILL BE AWESOME
1) Reveal the other five Snakes as Los Cinco Serpientos!
Raiden is totally gay, so the ONLY way to make up for the faggotry that was MGS2
is to have as many Snakes as fucking possible. 5 Snakes. They can serve mutliple
purposes like stand in certain areas and give hints, or, collect 100 dog tags
and talk to one of them to get to a special stage so you can try to get all the
Plastic Explosives you need to destroy final weapon Metal Gear!
2) Bring back Big Boss, and add a Next Generation Clone.
Fuck yeah Big boss is tight,
4) Retcon Outer Heaven and Zanzibarland.
Nobody played the original games. They were gay and the graphics look liek they
were on the Wii!!!!!!!!1111111111 BTW Wii is totally gay and girls think so too!
its NGC 2.0 gb2 previous gen faggots.
3) More ninjas!
We fucking LOVE ninjas! In fact, there should be a part of the game where Solid
Snake mkII enters the subway and out of nowhere--NINJAS! Around 9,001 of them,
to be exact! Snake will have to kill (or stun LOL) each and every one of them
before he faces The Sorrow, who will ressurect every single person Solid Snake
ahs killed since Shadow Moses as a Cyborg Ninja (including the ninjas Snake
already has fought) for another fight because Ninjas are fucking cool, amirite?
3) Co-op mode
Co-op is so fun in Halo. They should totally put it in the next Metal Gear Solid
game so me and my bros can frag sum jihad fags!
4) No codec/radio/etc
Nobody likes it. Also it will cut costs. To save, they should just have it be
the START button or soemthing. Also, as little cutscenes as possible. They
should be exciting and feature heavy metal like Linkin Park! BTE I made a cool
video 4 you all it's a bunch of cool scenes with Linkin Park's "A Place For My
Head" fuck the new CD it's emo! search me on YouTube
5) No Otacon.
Otacon is a dork and dorks are gay. Nevermind that anybody who would seriously
write this awesome list of demands would be a huge dork... and while Otacon is
the epitome of nerdy, he actually gets high-paying jobs doing what he loves (and
he lost his virginity at a young age) but he's a faggot nonetheless who pees in
his pants NOBODY DOES THAT GAY SHIT GAY GAY AGYA AGAYAGFAGASADHADS
6) Control metal gear
There should be a way (also in ONLINE MODE) where Snake gets to hop into Metal
Gear units and fuck shit up! There should be two seats so that one player
controls the Metal gear and the other fires NUKES LOL!
7) Hotter chciks
Kojima is so gay because he put all kinds of homo characters like Vamp and
Raiden but rarely are there hot chicks in revealing outfits. If Kojima was
straight he would have this game be all girls and Solid Snake and it would be
hot. Well I guess logically this argument is like saying George Lucas is
multi-diverse because he puts all kinds of weird ass aliens in his Star Wars
movies but... fuck you logic is gay!
8) The ability to beat up Raiden, Rose, and Mei Ling
I hate gays, bitches, and immigrants!
LOL wouldn't it be cool is Snake had to smoke weed instead of cigarettes? LOL it
would be so cool I like weed ITS SO COOL THAT i sometimes set my cellphone to
ring at 4:20 so in class im like "420 niggas" and everyone LOLs I'm so cool.
10) Kill Master Chief
XBOX IS SO GAY SO IS WII I FUCKING HATE THEM SO MUCH THE LAST BOSS SHOULD BE
MASTER CHIEF BUTTFUCKING MARIO AND SNAKE COMES IN AND CURBSTOMPS THEM BECAUSE
THEYRE GAY FUCK WII FUCK XBOX 360