Fanboys Suck (2003)
Hey, you. Yes you. You obsessed fucking freak who hates the <insert game console here that you wish to set on fire> and loves the <insert game console here that you masturbate to everyday>! Get a fucking life. I'm sick of your comments on Gamers.com, where you pick a great game, such as, Devil May Cry, The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, or Halo, or other
great games and just diss them because of what system they are on. Think Devil May Cry sucks because it's on the "Gaystation 2?" The Legend of Zelda is "ghey" because it's on the "GAYCUBE"? Halo is a "game for phags" because it's on the "XXX-Box?"
Dude, shut the fuck up! And if you're going to diss a system, get some facts straight, and get a better insult than "gay." It's like "HEY! I HAVE DIRECT TV! HAHAH DISH NETWORK IS GHEY!"
This was taken from a site which showed a television set hooked up to both systems, with a screen saying it needs to be repaired. Anyone who puts their game systems in a crowded bookshelf deserves their consoles to explode and get their house on fire!
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I went to a GameCube fanboy site and he claimed that the X-Box is a conspiracy that will shut itself down at a certain date and what not. He got this from a reliable source: a GameCube fanboy at Electronics Boutique. I only saw one fanboy working at EB, and that was years ago. He was kind of stupid and I think he was upset that the
Nintendo 64 died. Whatever. He told me that the Dolphin (the code name for what is now the GameCube) was going to come with surround sound speakers and that my Dreamcast was going to melt from overheating. Yeah.
I own a Playstation 2, a GameCube, and if I was a rich bastard, I'd get a X-Box. Am I a fanboy? Am I anti-Microsoft or anti-X-Box? No. I just prefer the other two systems over that one. If someone gave me an X-Box, I'd be like, hey thanks! Then I'd buy some games for it. Want proof? Buy me a X-Box! I'll take some pictures, too, of me playing DOA3 and Halo on it, if you want.
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It became so political nowadays. I mean these dumbasses are praising COMPANIES now! "Oh, Sony makes great televisions and whatnot!" Who cares? It's a different group of people working on the Playstaion systems. They might implement other Sony technologies, such as Magic Gate, to improve it, but it's not the best system ever because Sony makes a lot of electrical
devices. Sony makes outdated technology anyways. Not saying they suck now, for I think their Digital Cameras are the best to use, with the rechargeable batteries and all.
"Oh, Nintendo LOVES gamers! They think ONLY about the gamers! They are a game-only company! And I like it that way! Plus they always show the light and bring new technologies to the industry!" Yeah, too bad Nintendo's a bunch of fucking dumbasses. They don't want violent games. The fat ass marketing guy said so himself. He
believes that putting Grand Theft Auto or games like that on the GameCube will ruin it's purpose. Ok sir, what is it's purpose? To play games, right? GRAND THEFT AUTO IS A FUCKING GAME!!! If Nintendo is such an honest company, how come in the days of the NES, they were Nazis and made game developers make ONLY NES games? Of course, developers
were smarter than the "big N" and they would make development groups inside their, well, development groups. Like Konami had "Ultra Games" for the NES. Nintendo technology always great and new, huh? Let me just say a few things here: Virtual Boy, GameBoy Camera, Nintendo 64 DD Drive... ok, I'll shut up. |
Is this supposed to make the X-Box look like a demon who must die, or the GameCube as a pussy console? Either way, that "demon" is stolen from some AFI artwork. And since AFI is cool, X-Box wins this round. Too bad I found this picture in a Pro-GameCube website.
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Microsoft fanboys? "They are a rich company meaning the X-Box will be here forever! They know everything about technology! They put a HARD DRIVE in the X-Box! They are smart mother fuckers!" If it was true that they are using up their money keeping the X-Box in the market, why did they even bother making the X-Box? They made it to make money. Surprise! If
it gets really bad, Microsoft will have to ditch the project. It's doing ok, so don't think it's dying anytime soon, but just because Gates has a lot of cash, doesn't mean the X-Box is an unstoppable console. As for the power and hard drive and what not of Microsoft: it's a PC. Take it apart and use the parts to upgrade your current computer. I'm serious! Oh,
yes, X-Box does have a better DVD Player, but paying that much for a remote is just lameass. And just like Sony, Microsoft's X-Box team isn't the same group of people who made Windows, kids. Different groups. If it was made by the same group, it would suck! You think Microsoft consists of sixteen people who all made Windows? The X-Box doesn't even run Windows,
dumb fucks!
Even worse is the gun that is drawn across the table of fanboys: Over heating systems. Sorry kids, but the FCC regulates these things and as long as you're not a dumbass who stuffs their consoles in a hot bookshelf with the vents covered, your systems will do fine. If your system is a tad bit hot after use, it's not over heating, dumbass. Now when steam appears
and your console melts, that's over heating. Of course, by then your house will be on fire and hopefully that will teach you a lesson of putting your damn system in a crowded area with the fucking vents covered!!!
Now here's a list of pros and cons for each system. I'm not going to bull shit you with specs. Do you buy a system for it's games or the fact that it has a Pentium Processor inside of it? We are shopping for GAME CONSOLES here, folks. If we were looking for PC's, yes, specs are needed. We don't give a rat's ass if they have nuclear technology inside! But if
they include a free Cracker Jacks toy, hey...
Anyways, I rate this shit with a 0-10 scale. Then we have a lowdown of the system by each of the staff members.
 Sony Playstation 2
AKA: PS2, PSX2, PSTwo,
"sux0rz" Term: Gaystation 2
Current Price: $179.99
Launch price: $299.99
Top Games: Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty, Devil May Cry, Final Fantasy X
Metal Gear titles: Metal Gear Solid, Metal Gear Solid: VR Missions, Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty, Metal Gear Solid 2: Substance
Upcoming Game of Interest: Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater
Amount of Games: 11/10 (too many, including PSOne games)
Action Genre: 9.7/10
Fighting Genre: 10/10
First Person Shooter Genre: 5.6/10
Sports: 8.2/10
Kids: 6.0/10
Strategy/RPGs: 9.8/10
Online Games: 3.6/10
Standard Memory Unit: 8MB Memory Card (pretty big)
Controller: 9.5/10
The Playstation 2 is the weakest of the other two consoles, but the amount of quality games makes up for it. Not only do we get great games (a lot of them are now less than the typical $49.99 price) we also get the classic Playstation games. DVD playback is a nice addition for those who can't afford a real DVD Player (such as, well, um, me) but you have
to use the controller unless you desperately need a remote and you buy one. While some people claim it lacks anti-aliasing, I prefer it that way for the picture is cleaner and sharper. Didn't we learn anything from the Nintendo 64 days? One downside is that while it plays PSOne games, and the new controller works well for the backwards compatibility, the new
memory cards can only be used to save Playstation 2 games and a few of the newer PSOne titles. Like four player games? You need to buy a adapter called the "Multi-Tap" which is just stupid. The modem is starting to finally get to stores, and unlike Nintendo and Microsoft's online plans, this device is both a dial up and a broadband adapter... in the United States
and Japan, that is. Europe got only the broadband adapter. Hopefully Sony gets around to releasing good online games.
As a UK gamer, I can say that Sony has perhaps shafted us the most of the three big corporations. We have only just received any form of online connectivity over here, and that is only through a Broadband Adapter, unlike my friends from the other side of the world. Not only that, but its actually cheaper to buy a new X-Box over here than a new PS2. However,
in an almost ironic twist, I have the most games out of the three next-gen consoles (and perhaps any console I've owned). With great series backing the console such as Armored Core, Metal Gear Solid (obviously), Grand Theft Auto, Tenchu and (well, to some people) the Final Fantasy series, there literally is a game for practically any audience. Yes, it is the
weakest of the three consoles, you have to acknowledge that the console is the oldest of the three and Konami and Square just go to show that the limitations can be easily overthrown if the time and dedication are put into them. Plus with the back catalogue of PSone games, if your looking for a system with a staple of games, look no further.
Ah, the Playstation 2. I believe that most people agree that, power-wise, it is a bit lacking compared to the other next-gen systems. This is to be expected however, as it is the oldest; it took part in the N64/Dreamcast console war as well as this next-gen one. This age is a good thing though. It has, more than likely, the largest “following”, if you will,
and also has had some time to release some wonderful games *cough*MGS2*wheeze*. The controller is easily the best designed, though there are sadly only two controller slots. But it’s got a DVD player that doesn’t require a $30 peripheral. That’s always nice.
Of all the Gaming platforms, Sony has produced the best, perhaps unrivaled system on the market. Its massive selection of games, ranging from Metal Gear Solid 2 Substance, to the Online hit SOCOM: US Navy Seals, makes hardcore gamers come to the PS2 for the gore and sheer selection of games. It costs the same as the X-Box still, but is declining with extreme
competition from Microsoft and Nintendo. The Network adapter costs about $50 extra to the system, and extra controllers are about $20-30 each. Memory cards are about $20 for two, but one is enough for a vast majority of gamers. Only comes with one controller.
 Nintendo GameCube
AKA: NGC, GC, "Cube"
"suxx0rz" Term: Gaycube
Current Price: $99.99
Launch price: $199.99
Top Games: The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, Resident Evil, Sonic Adventure 2: Battle, Star Wars Rouge Squadron 2: Rouge Leader
Metal Gear titles: none as of yet, but coming soon...
Upcoming Game of Interest: Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes
Amount of games: 7.8/10
Action Genre: 8.0/10
Fighting Genre: 7.9/10
First Person Shooter Genre: 4.3/10
Sports: 3.2/10
Kids: 9.8/10
Strategy/RPGs: 8.7/10
Online Games: 1.0/10
Standard Memory Unit: 56 Block Memory Card (teenie-weenie)
Controller: 8.5/10
Wavebird Controller: 9.0/10
The GameCube is the cheapest and the smallest. Buying one lets you even get a free game with it! The game collection is kind of small, especially if you're a fan of the action genre, but some titles are just something you can't find on other systems. Zelda is an awesome game, while the new Resident Evils are even more evil. The online plan sucks as of now,
since Phantasy Star Online Episodes 1 & 2 is the one of the genre, and it has so many bugs, it's not worth playing online. Upcoming titles plan on, finally, using the once dubbed useless modem adapter. There are actually two adapters, one for dial-up and one for broadband. You can also hook up your GameCube to your GameBoy Advanced, but that means you buying
a GameBoy Advanced and a cable. This is pretty dumb with the GameBoy Advanced Player now out, which lets people play their 16-bit games on their television set. So should you buy it if you don't have enough money? Well, if you want real bang for your buck, get a Dreamcast.
The underling of the three. Similar to its former rival SEGA, the big retailers over here are slowly distancing themselves away from the console and stocking less and less for them. And I happen to agree with them - the console's biggest titles are only catering for their older fans: Mario, Zelda, Metroid, F-Zero et al, bringing very little originality to
the party (in a similar way Sony's headed now with the massive amount of generic sequels and clones). And its online functions can only be attested to one game at the moment - Phantasy Star Online (good job its a good game...). The memory cards also suck (unstable, and the fact that the six games I own completely fill up 2 memory cards whereas the equivalent
amount of space on my PS2 fills 16 and still has half spare...) Yes, the Gamecube is my least favourite of the three. A crying shame, as I really did enjoy growing up with SEGA and Nintendo. Still, its strange, but Sonic Adventure 2 handles a lot better than on the Dreamcast. And, as its now incredibly cheap (About the price of two games at full price), along
with the fact that the games are the cheapest on this console, its certainly a good entry-level console. And there are a few gems to be found in there - the new Zelda is surprisingly fun if ever so slightly (OK, pathetically) easy and if you can get it with Ocarina of Time, you have got yourselves one of the biggest bargains ever. Oh, and its the only console
over here with modem compatibility for those of you who haven't upgraded to Broadband yet.
The Gamecube answers the all-important, system-purchasing question: Can you fit it in your mouth? Well… no. BUT, it comes pretty damn close. So that’s one point for it. *Applause* Anyway, though it may be from Nintendo, which for some reason has gotten a bad rep as a purveyor of “kiddy” games. (Yeah, I neither get it nor care too), and it resembles a tiny
lunch pail (is this a bad thing?), it’s got a lotta spunk, and I heart my little cube. Florence is his name. …*cough*. It has some fine games too, like Mario Sunshine, Rogue Leader, and Super Smash Bros.: Melee with the upcoming Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes! No DVD here though. But let’s not forget it is the cheapest system as of now.
Nintendo's third gaming system, following the N64, a great system, costs about $150-200. The games are artistically detailed, and the system is a 300 MHz Intel processor which makes this system a perfect console for any type of load. From Phantasy Star Online 1 and 2, to Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker, this system is a RPG'ers Paradise, second to the Playstation
2. You can also hook up your GameCube to your GameBoy Advanced, but that means you buying a GameBoy Advanced and a cable. This is pretty dumb with the GameBoy Advanced Player now out, which lets people play their 16-bit games on their television set. Upcoming titles plan on, finally, using the once dubbed useless modem adapter. There are actually two adapters,
one for dial-up and one for broadband. The cost is around $50.
 Microsoft X-Box
AKA: XBX, XB, "Big X"
"suxx0rz" Term: XXX-Box
Current Price: $149.99
Launch price: $299.99
Top Games: Halo, Dead or Alive 3, Splinter Cell, Unreal Championship
Metal Gear titles: Metal Gear Solid 2: Substance
Upcoming Game of Interest: Halo 2. (No future Metal Gear games are planned yet)
Amount of games: 7.9/10
Action Genre: 7.6/10
Fighting Genre: 3.3/10
First Person Shooting Genre: 10/10
Sports: 8.2/10
Kids: 2.7/10
Strategy/RPGs: 4.2/10
Online Games: 9.9/10
Standard Memory Unit: A 20 GB internal hard drive (fucking huge)
Controller: 5.0/10
S-Controller: 7.5/10
The poor man's PC, this game console is really fucking big. That shouldn't really be a problem, unless you like throwing your consoles at children. Thing is, most of the titles consist of console and PC ports, and the exclusives that are actually good are a few. DVD playback is cleaner in quality, but costs you to make it, well, work. Of course this is due
to the cause of Microsoft's greed. The online plan shows that Microsoft knows how to really run an online plan. You can see a lot of X-Box Live! boxes in stores while the Playstation 2 and GameCube are just now reaching stores. Unfortunately, Live! is only broadband compatible. You still use your phone line to connect to the internet? You're screwed. The hard
drive is both good and bad, more for the good. The good part is it has enough space to store save files and downloadable game extras and patches for probably the rest of your life with the big X. The down part is if you want to take your save file to a friends. Then you need a memory card, and sometimes, the save file is awfully large to go onto a card. If only
there was a way to detach the hard drive and take it to your friends. No, I'm serious! Anyways, the most aggravating issue with the X-Box is the controller. As Maddox said "it's about as big as my nuts!" The buttons were slanted, making it awkward to play games. The Japanese version was released to the
western countries as the S-Controller, but now the problem is the white and black button being hard to reach. Big with fucked up buttons, or small with two buttons where they're not supposed to be? Microsoft lets you choose! Hooray!
First on the online scene in the UK, (besides Dreamcast) and now cheaper than its ever been, the X-Box is a serious contender - which says something about a company with no prior console experience. The graphics are undeniably beautiful (not surprising, considering the internals of the console are the closest to a PC of the three) and there are a staple
of games to back up the tour-de-force the big M's punch brings. As the newest of the three consoles, its still yet to gather a staple diet of games like Sony and hasn't the force of competent developers like Nintendo, but its made remarkable progress in the short time its been out: Halo - beautiful and challenging, Splinter Cell - a revolution in the stealth
genre, Panzer Dragoon Orta - perhaps the most visually stunning game ever to grace our screens. And with an in-built hard drive, there is no need for memory cards AND with the online connectivity, its possible to download new levels, models, and pretty much anything as long as its coded into the game. Shame the games are the most expensive on this console...
I don't know what its like in the US, but if you live in Europe, the X-Box never looked greener (especially with limited edition green X-Boxes all around the place). Just hope we don't end up with X-Office...
What is there to say about the ‘Box that hasn’t been said before? “It’s the equivalent of a ‘medium-end’ computer”, “Halo *ahem* ‘r0xx0rz’”, “If you drop the controller from a distance of 5 feet, you can break a cat’s spine”, blah blah blah, old news. All of these are true of course (in my “oh so humble” opinion, especially the cat one. That’s been tested
and scientifically proven. Try it! Don’t sue us!), and the X-Box, no matter what a fanboy says, is a quality machine. But it, like the others, has several major flaws, namely it’s DVD player requires a remote to work (BAH! ANOTHER $30 for Microsoft?!), it is rather expensive for it's gaming library, and it is disturbingly efficient at break breaking cat-spines!
(Note: this may be a good thing if you hate cats).
Microsoft put its foot in the platform gaming world door, and left everyone with a broken jaw. The XBOX, which costs about $300, comes with beautiful graphics, one controller and a preview disk. The system features a GeForce 460 MX video card, which takes the 500 MHz processor to the max of gaming. It comes with a built in adapter, but the software to run
it costs about $30 and 12.99 monthly. The games are beautiful from, HALO to Outlaw Golf. This makes XBOX a dream system. Controllers cost about $20-30 extra, and the 20 GB Hard Drive comes with the system. Memory cards to share saves with friends are around $20.
Now you kids stop going to Gamers.com and dissing games for their system, alright? And get a life. Seriously. These systems are going to die someday. So are you. :) Oh, and if you want my opinion about the best game system - GameBoy Advanced SP. But then, there's no Metal Gear games for it.... yet...
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Ravi Singh
N3o T@ilz
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